Monthly Archives: August 2014
No Dogs or Cats
After weeks of whining I was finally going to get my first pet. My parents had said, “No dogs or cats. You have to take care of it. ” What can I get and what can this ten year old boy look after? I wandered through the pet store with my money jingling in my pocket. My first thoughts were of fish; nah, kind of boring just swimming of circles. My focus was now on the turtles. Three small green painted turtles, a glass bowl, water and a few rocks and I had my first pets.
The first day was fun, letting them crawl around, taking great care of their wellbeing. The first chocked to death on a piece of food. Carefully cutting the meat into smaller pieces, I was sure the other two were in good hands!
To my horror, the next morning, the second turtle had drowned. The precisely placed rocks had given way, trapping my turtle underneath. Poor guy. I recovered quickly. All my attention now on the remaining turtle.
So let’s see. The first one chokes to death, the next one drowns and the third… the third turtle was so traumatized with the recent events, watching his dear friends perish… the last of my little green pets committed suicide.
Rearranging the rocks that had entrapped turtle two, (I hadn’t had time to name any of them yet), had made it easy for turtle three to climb out and jump over the side. Splat on the kitchen floor all I heard.
Within three days all three pets had perished. Maybe Mom and Dad will let me get a hamster? But that’s another story…
By Barnwood
Butt Cheeks
Butt Cheeks
I want to talk to you about butt cheeks, specifically, mine. My tale is this: I ask how much do you pay attention to butts? I have to be honest, I have looked at a lot of female behinds in my day, but have paid zero attention to my own behind.
This little tale is about my butt or rather the disappearance of my comfy cushion, let me sit anywhere in comfort, from the hardest wooden stool to, well, a rock. I never thought anything about this. You just sat down on your butt.
I was startled on fine day, after wiping my butt successfully, to find some of it had disappeared. I’m sure it was noticeable in the preceding weeks, but it was that specific wipe that had me shivering. I had lost a lot of weight in a few short months. No diet or secret. I simply gave up sugar and a few carbs. So voila! Now I look better, sort of. My pants don’t fill out anymore.
Now I constantly shift from one cheek to the next, trying to get comfortable. I’ve stopped looking for the softest seat in the house and started carrying this donut to sit on. It was either that or strap a pillow to my backside. I do get a lot of strange looks but the alternative would be to go back to sugar to fill out my sugar butt.
By Barnwood
I Saved a Life Today
I did save a life today in my dog’s water bowl. This was not just any life, oh, no! This little teeny brown wood frog was struggling; nostrils barely above the surface swimming the sidestroke… I thought I saw a smile when Timmy, yeah, I named him, Timmy was air lifted out.
Timmy was not even and inch long, but I found a new home where he lives today. A little pond in the front yard teaming with mosquito larva and a granite rock to sun on appears to have given Timmy a second chance.
Any questions can be related to Timmy by yours truly. You know like what colour are your eyes? or How many mosquitoes have you eaten today? or How did you end up almost drowning in a dog’s water dish bowl?
…Unless you want to talk to Harold, the garter snake, who lives under my steps.
So You Think That's Funny 